McDonald's McCafé Mango Pineapple Real Fruit Smoothie
"It's the ultimate cool down: sweet mango and juicy pineapple blended with creamy low fat yogurt and ice."
It has taken me far too long to write about this. I've finally decided to divulge this gem unto the world. Yes, you can pick up your jaw from the floor I do, occasionally, patronize McDonalds. I do, however, only go there for this.
When it comes down to ordering don't be distracted by their luscious selection of delicious treats; I'll save you the time and let you know they're all awful. The two other smoothie flavors are equally disgusting. You have, and I cannot stress this enough, you have to get the mango pineapple. One more rule; you can't get these whenever you "feel" like a smoothie, the only opportunity to indulge is when you're hungover from a magnificent night of debauchery.
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Basic Nutrition Facts:
(for a medium because it's the perfect size)
Calories: .........270
Fat: ...............1.6g
Fiber: ...............2g
Protein: .............3g
Sodium: ........51mg
Carbs: ...............61g
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Preferred Beverage: After a night of drinking this is the only
thing you'll want to drink. Go ahead and
roll out of bed and head straight to
McDonald's. You'll thank me later.
Proper Attire: What ever you woke up in. First of all
it's McDonald's so they won't care if you
show up sans pants (I did) or in yesterdays
slutty attire (walk of shame?) the employees
probably have seen worse.
Appropriate Cinema: Users choice. Your go-to show to remedy
your already shitty day. Just don't stare into
the mirror and scowl at the bags under your eyes.
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So you woke up in an undisclosed location, wondering where you left your phone... Your day can only improve from here. What better way to kickstart it than to refuel your body with this delicious smoothie?!? Rolling right out of bed or whence you fell and 'slept' and immediately find your keys, hopefully you're not still a little intoxicated in which case go back to bed, and head straight to the nearest McDonald's. There is no excuse to complain about a commute to one. They're like spiders and you're never more than 100 feet from one.
I usually order a medium because it always does the trick, it leaves me wanting a little more but not disgustingly bloated and overfull. It's perfect for me; but it's also proportional to the amount you drank the night before. The more alcohol consumed the larger you need to go (don't be afraid of venturing into more than one smoothie... the employees will just think you're ordering for two!).
Hands down this is the best cure for the start of a shitty day. Walks of shame should always have a detour from the frat house to McDonald's to your house. It's an absolute. A necessity. You'll hate yourself more if you don't. One last word to the cautious -Don't tell your smoothie that it "Needs to get in you right now" when you're handed it. You'll blow your cover of not being one of those weirdos who go there on a regular basis// you'll have to start going to the other McDonald's across the street and that's just a huge pain in the ass.
