Cheese & Pepperoni Bagel Bites®

"Tomato Sauce on a 'bagel' with Real Cheese and Pepperonis"

Yes, I ate bagel bites. It was purely for research and... Okay, I cannot lie. I had to talk one of my dear friends into this -mostly to feel a little nostalgic and because I was craving this kind of depravity.

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Basic Nutrition Facts:

Calories:                         190

Fat:                                6g

Fiber:                              8g

Protein:                           2g

Carbohydrates:                29g

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Preferred Beverage:          PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon). The perfect combination. 

Proper Attire:                    Your finest flannel/ t-shirt and maybe cargo shorts or whatever. 

Cinema:                            Favorite after school cartoons. Spongebob Squarepants. Pinky 

                                         and the Brain?

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          Bear with me. These are absolutely terrible. I cannot believe they were such a staple in my post-school snack. It tasted like exceptionally hard dough that had been lightly drizzled with condensed tomato sauce and sprinkled with bits'o'nasty-flavored-bacon-pieces finally topped with what they call 'Real Cheese' but seemed no more real than my appreciation for nascar. They were hard to eat. 

          Alas, if you find yourself feeling exceptionally nostalgic/ bored/ hungover and craving shitty food they may be ideal. However, the perfect setting would be to just pop them in the microwave during a hipster party and comment on how 'ironic' they are and that they are absolutely perfect with their water-beer, I mean PBR. If you're lucky they would all get food poisoning and you'd never speak to them again. A girl can dream. 

          These things are bad and it's as simple as that. They are the perfect treat when the munchies of the drunk variety are calling and your pallet isn't discriminating enough to discern dog food from the Olive Garden. Go ahead and purchase the '9-pack' and stick it in your freezer. They'll keep forever. When the time is right you'll barely remember you bought them seven months ago and hopefully thank me. Never mind, I don't really care to be associated with them.