Extra Cheesy Pizza Lunchable

Extra Cheesy Pizza

Lunchable

           Lunchables. The delicious bit of childhood you can still purchase in the refrigerator section of major grocers. If you haven't indulged you probably had a terribad upbringing. Questioning what you'll do for lunch tomorrow?!? You probably need to get your ass to the store and purchase 3 of them; Yes, three, I'll explain later. If you did have the luxury of opening up your sack lunch every Friday in elementary school to discover this you had hella lazy parents who knew they could buy your love. Related; this are nearly impossible not to find on sale, so I had lazy and cheap parents; this explains everything. 

(Stack of 3, obv)

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Basic Nutrition Facts:

Lets face it; you're either a child or someone who doesn't care what goes into your body. 

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Proper Attire:                          Jeans and a t-shirt, I don't think I need to 

                                               elaborate anymore; preferably wind pants 

                                               because I didn't wear jeans till I was 16.

Preferred Beverage:                If you (your parents) were exceptionally 

                                               cheap then it didn't come with the delicious 

                                               8(?)% fruit beverage (beloved) Capri 

                                               Son. If this were the case; buy some; it's 

                                               a necessity. Just do it.

Appropriate Cinema:               The longing expression of your peers, 

                                                jealous of the fact you're bold enough 

                                                to bring one out in public. I choose to hide

                                                out in my car and avoid eye contact with

                                                anyone who walked by; because I own a 

                                                hybrid. 

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          I think we've established the only people who eat these are children and adults who haven't grown up (are poor) so naturally we don't care about what goes into our bodies. Perhaps we just occasionally don't care what goes into our bodies. These are the perfect remedy for this.

         This is kind of bland, flavorless but somehow still retain some delicious aspects.If sentimental value had a flavor this wouldn't be it, try Grandma's cookies. Lunchable's extra cheesy pizzas taste exactly like what you'd think. There is absolutely nothing special about them. However, once you start eating them you just can't stop. I would equate them to a train wreck for you palate.Thus the only remedy I can conjure for this is to purchase 3 of them. Three seems to be the the limit at which consciousness seeps in and feelings like remorse and regret take hold. 

        The magic number is also three since that's the number of 'pizzas' that are packed into the super eco-friendly plastic packaging. Plastic is nature's friend and the container is essential to precariously placing the the pizzas on your center consul to carefully construct each one with love. Worry not the passerby's aren't judging your shameful indulgence of this delicacy. They're too busy pining over the hybrid you're driving (If you don't drive a hybrid why do you hate the environment sooo much?!?!)

      I'll just go ahead and save you some time and tell you to just go buy one. Everyone deserves to have the experience of consuming a lunchable at least once. Unless the last time you ate it was in the sixth grade, leave it at that. Don't let your lips part for anything less than actual pizza. Keep the magic alive and don't ruin a good memory, grow up and buy a lean cuisine.