Kraft Macaroni & Cheese

Kraft Macaroni & Cheese

Wait what? 

Kraft Mac'n'Cheese

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Anyone whose someone has had the delicious, delicious temptations of kraft. Their Mac'n'Cheese is a childhood necessity. Moreover, a life necessity. There are some days that it's absolutely pertinent to devour a pot of it's cheesy goodness. The magic kraft somehow bakes into the scrumptious cheesy powder is, what I assume, to be the 'secret' ingredient. Actually, it's crack. It's probably crack. Obviously, there are some super important steps to creating this heaven on earth. Milk is essential and only above it is the butter (nothing tops the "cheese", though). If you're an adult and you've decided to purchase a box of 'The Cheesiest' you either are A) a poor college student or B) Your boyfriend and you ended your relationship and you need  to eat your feelings. I, unfortunately, fall into the 'B' category. I don't we have to go into the nutrition aspect of it all.  We're eating this because our feelings are fatty and delicious and need to go away. But there are necessary things we should adhere to in order to perfect our self loathing and time of grieving. 

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Preferred Beverage: Something strong. If you're in college, milk is actually quite delicious with this. However, we're adults and I'd recommend devouring the entire pot of this then guzzling down a strong strawberry daiquiri. I cannot explain this. It just makes sense to me to to chug a strawberry daiquiri after ending a bowl of Mac'n'Cheese and crying over your failed relationship. Who can be sad and drink a daiquiri?!?
Proper Attire: Anything your ex has bequeathed unto you. A nice sweater? Sorry about that cheese stain. Kinky underwear? More like kinky cheese stain! That adorable shirt you accidentally spilled marinara sauce on? Adorable shirt that pairs nicely with more cheese and marinara stains. No daiquiri stains, we don't spill alcohol. 
Appropriate Cinema: Now would probably be a good time to look at all the old facebook photos of you and your beloved. Be weary, tears will probably start streaming, don't get any into the Mac'n'Cheese  or your daiquiri, best to add another stain to your clothes. Unless you're thinking they're lacking salt. Never mind, let a few drops into that daiquiri of ours... FLAVOR ENHANCER!!!

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      It's okay to be sad sometimes. Without rain would there be a 
rainbow (so gay)? Without that cheese stain you wouldn't have realized you look atrocious in yellow (everyone does). The best thing about Mac'n'cheese is that it's even better when shared(2 boxes). Invite over your best friends. Make a thanksgiving feast and an endless pitcher of daiquiris. Put on your favorite movie and gossip about all the fantastic times you had with your now-ex and laugh about their eccentricities (that way he holds his fork!). Ultimately, you'll need to realize that your relationship was just a small leg in your flight of life. You can stow away the memories in your luggage and appreciate the things he has given you. He has taught you how to be a stronger person. How to be appreciative of the qualities others' possess. Not to be such a cunt. How to  surmount live's obstacles. How to realize that the luggage you're already carrying isn't that heavy. He's taught you that there is a weight limit when you fly so you'll need to get rid of some of those memories and let them pass (or pay a hefty fee to bring them with you). Most importantly, he's given you a home. Maybe not in the literal sense, but you know you'll never leave his memories and he your's. It makes you appreciate life when you get on an especially shitty flight filled with crying babies. You'll be able to look upon that amazing flight you once took and look forward to flying first class once again. So down that daiquiri and appreciate where you are. You're alive. You're young. You've had far too much Mac'n'cheese. So, buck up, champ, your late for your next flight!

Remember -if you can hear yourself singing the music isn't loud enough